Monday, April 10, 2006

Why is it that every week ends up weird and troubling?

I don't get it.

But maybe that's the point yes? Troubling situations make you think and when you think you tend to figure stuff out.

This week I figured out that I'm a bit too emotional for my own good. I get... attached to things and people and situations that I probably shouldn't get attached to. Why? Because these things don't stay around for long. I should stop this behaviour. It does me no good.

With it being Holy Week and with so many shows and documentaries coming out about Christianity and Catholisism and all, people have been rather candid about questioning me about my faith. Especially since my friends are mostly of different religions and I have been facing rather...significant life changes because of my religion. It's weird. I'm not really bothered about all the stuff that's happening. I feel no need to stand up and defend my faith. And I think people should stop trying to incite my defence mechanisms by prodding.

I wonder if there was ever a single moment in time, a second, a millisecond, a milli-milli second, where there was no sound in the world. Everything was dead silent. Everything and everyone just shut it for one instant.

I know it's probably impossible and many of you will be able to give me a whole load of scientific mumbo jumbo that I would never understand about why that is completely impossible. But for some reasan, that thought calms me. It really does. It's like a kind of magic.

The beach is a lovely place to spend a Saturday night. It's windy and calm and cool. It chills you out and reminds you how small you are, and thus, how small your problems are. Time passes real quick in the silence and yet there is no fear or anxiety. There's just peace. The peace that comes with an out of body experience. The peace that comes with not being you, just being an entity watching other entities as they too step out of themselves and be someone else somewhere else. I think I could go there more. Much more.

Solitude is peaceful don't you think?

Most of the time anyway. I mean, if you can't stand to be with yourself, then why would you expect someone else to put up with you?

On a materialistic note, I've found the perfect bag. Well, technically, I haven't found it. I've just seen something like it and painted a picture of what the alternative design would look like in my head. It's a Kappa Italia leather bag. Siva has the Germany version, but seeing as how I'm not a very big fan of Germany, I'd much like the Italia one. They are, after all, my team of choice. I do hope I get it soon. It would do nicely for school, the gym, and most importantly, the impending India trip. If anyone sees it anywhere, be in the Germany or Italia version, send me a text with its location, or keep it in mind and tag me please?It should cost about $58.00 according to Siva.

Speaking of the India trip, I think it would be a good time to get away from everyone and everything. One week away with the family. I'm hoping for renewed closeness among the 5 of us. We've been living in our own lives for far too long. Some family shopping time would do nicely.

I'm hoping for a full night of sleep tonight. I slept badly last night. Tossed and tuned for hours. When I did doze of, however, it was...fitfull. Many fragmented dreams of nothing in particular, but everything nonetheless. Enough of little meaningless bits here and there to bother me all night. Flower fields and ladybugs, breakwaters and interruptions, cracked specs, raisin bread, PR theories, endless bus rides and a one page bestseller. Nothing made sense to conscious me, but something must have made sense to un/subconscious me.

I think un/subconscious me is a much more stable person. It'd be nice to meet her.


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