I honestly don't know what would possess you to say what you said last night. It makes no sense at all. You do love him. I'm not asking you. I'm TELLING you. You do. All this talk about how you feel like you are cheating on him when you and I both know that you aren't, what is that all about? You are a true attention seeking bitch sometimes and it's not something to be proud of. What did you hope for? That he would grovel for your mercy? That after so many nights of your whinging and whining he would fight to the death for you? For someone who probably doesn't make him as happy as he would have hoped for? For someone who hoped would be the light at the end of each long dark tunnel of a day but ended being someone who he had to comfort? Even you know that isn't fair to him. You may have a point though. You are way too young to be tied down. You've got so much ahead of you. So many experiences and so many people. Who knows who you'll meet. Maybe someone better, someone everyone will love and someone who will be the prince charming you've always wanted. But then again, who's to say that he isn't all that? He hasn't exactly got all the time in the world to plan romantic activity after romantice activity. You went into this knowing full well that he was, as someone so aptly put it, "public property". You prided yourself then on the fact that although he was so desired by so many, he chose you to be his special someone. The someone he showed his true self to and that special someone who could see all of him. How come that isn't enough for you anymore? The brat in you is showing herself again. What do you want? What do you think will make you happy? The vision of perfection that you desire is all good and well but I don't think anyone ever gets that kind of perfection. And comparing your love life to someone else's who might have it "better" than you simply won't do. They have different lives, different personalities and different ways of showing love and affection. They live with different circumstances surrounding them. You may think they're luckier, that they were made to make each other's dreams come amazingly true. But I don't suppose you know the shit they may have to go through. And how can you when you're so caught up blubbering about your "rut"? The world does not revolve around you and you have to know that. Have to realise that. Shit happens and you just have to deal with it, hopefully and preferably, with a big smile on your face. It's good to have a dream about what you want. But sometimes you have to settle with things that just come close to that. And I thin this is the closest you've ever been. Be happy and just roll with it you whining thing? Don't waste his time, or yours, being a crybaby thumbsucker.