Sunday, October 10, 2004

What were the two of you thinking? Did either of you really care? Ok, wait, don't answer. I don't trust either of you. You will try and hide your feelings because you've already had your ego bruised, and you will just continue being stone faced like you always are. I don't know how to solve your problems. In fact, I wonder if there really is a problem to be solved. Maybe the both of you should have seen this coming from the start. But even as an outsider, I guess I can see how both of you might have deluded yourselves. I'll try and adress your issues one by one ok? Maybe it'll make things clearer for the both of you, maybe even for me.

You! I don't even know how you managed to submerge yourself into a situation like this. I thought you were going to harden your heart to things like this. That you were all about protecting your wounded soul and living a life of solitude til THE ONE came along, whoever he was? What happened to that? Didn't you lose enough? What? What's that? You thought he was it? Why? You felt something? I suppose a romantic like you would believe bull like that huh? You FELT something... Ooh! Big, fat, hairy-arsed deal. I'm not questioning your ability to FEEL something. And maybe there really was something for you to FEEL. But you know what? Apparently, you were wrong. I've heard all you've had to say, about your moments, your days, your "we looked into each others eyes and I felt a spark" stuff. I don't deny any of it. I'm sure there were sparks. Lots of them. An incredible fireworks display even. But what gives the right to put yourself out there like that? Did you not know that the chances of you getting hurt were high? You knew the risks, admit it! And yet, you just went right ahead and did it? Talk about stupidity GIRL... So what if you thought there was something worth fighting for? So what? Obviously the fighting spirit was not a mutual thing! Did you kid yourself into believing that it was? Or did you really believe it was? From the bottom of your heart? Really? Oh... Well... Then... Guess you were wrong... Maybe you should have listened to the advice of some people. Maybe you shouldn't have been the one believing soul. The one with faith. Look what that got you.

And you. You really think I should start on you? Oh boy... I don't know what you are thinking. No clue whatsoever. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Here you have someone who was willing to give everything and you turn it down? That in itself is a little fucked up. But why? I also don't know... You tell me la... Or better yet. You tell her! That might help! Why go this far if you knew deep down that it wasn't going to go anywhere substantial? Don't you feign ignorance or play the "I'm a complicated soul" card. Figure it out. Figure everything out. Don't use your attitude, your character, your friends, your family, God or anything else as an excuse. You're not helping yourself at all cos you are just pushing the blame on to someone else. How is that going to help? You want to help yourself, take out a bloody pen and paper and sort your life out. Write it down. Write down all your fucking issues and try and figure out why they are happening. And don't be biased to yourself. Oh poor me poor me. Please, get over that phase in your life. The world is not being cruel to you. It's not being unfair. It is not targeting you to make things difficult. You are being hard on yourself. Why? As far as I can see... Because other than that perfect image of happiness in your mind, you think nothing else will do. You refuse to look at something else that might help you out if you just opened up a little. Harden your heart and you'll be safe from all pain? If you aren't hurting now than you've done a good job. But if you are in pain, then I'm sorry to tell ya mate, but your plan isn't very good is it? Maybe it's about time you changed the plan a little... But then again, if this is what you wanted all along then ok, I've got nothing more to say. Ok, maybe I do... Go ahead, leave the past behind. Run. Run away and take the easy way out. Because then, of course, you won't have to deal with anything right? But if this situation should have taught you anything, it should have made you realise that your past can never, ever be left behind. It'll always come back. You thought you left your bad teenage years behind didn't you? It came back. And you could have changed things. But now you hafta run again. Good luck to you... Maybe things will work out this time...


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