Sunday, October 10, 2004

stream of consciousness with space

the words on the screen are blurred a little i don't know where one sentence ends and the next begins the words blend into each other each as insensitive and unfeeling as the one before it there's no hint of you feeling anything i guess the part i play in your life is only minor not important enough for stage directions even maybe just a prop a broom a table cloth a rug stepped all over but still of use tell me i'm wrong tell me i'm mistaken tell me they're wrong give me hope you do none of the above acting like you want to forget the things we shared like it meant nothing don't play the guilt game with me it's not fair because you've left me unable to think of myself as anything more anything more anything more i want to be something more but the question is will you let me are you just backing away as a defence or are you really not in this i wish i knew but i'm not the kind to make the move not the one to stand up and get shot down because i feel as if that is what is going to happen me getting shot down left to bleed to death a death i might even welcome with open arms at that time i wish i could hold you in my arms love you forever tell you what you mean but i can't if you don't let me granted i'm not sure if i can do all that immediately but i will eventually the i thought i could see the armour around you begin to rust to corrode away but guess i was wrong either that or you sent it out to get polished and oiled at the first sign of trouble don't tell me that i'm entitled to my own opinion of you and then walk away leaving me to think if i've been unfair i know at this moment that i'm not being unfair you'd feel the same in my shoes you'd feel cheated and used and you wouldn't know why because deep down you want to believe in goodness and faith and the past don't make me question the you i knew before the you that you said i could see right through don't contradict yourself don't let me see the real you and then shut it all off to me just because you are scared to let me see more have i let you down so far have i hurt you answer me and then answer yourself speak to me tell me open up to me


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