The performance is finally over. And unlike last year, I'm sad to say that I do not have any sort of negative emotions that it is over.

I'm relieved.

Events of the night and the week before it still bother me and they probably will for quite some time. But I guess there is nothing that can be done about that.

But I will say this though.

Never again. I will not be involved again.

Why?

If you are an outsider than you have the right to ask me that. Because you would not have seen what went on.

But if you are part of us/them (I don't wanna be a prart of the group anymore, but sadly, my past binds me to them, at least by name), I would like to boldly state that if you want to dance again, if you even want to show your face again, you are very brave souls. Brave and shameless.

We are supposed to be adults. We are supposed to be the trusted ones. The ones that solve problems, not create new ones. The ones that are practical and guide the juniors to do the things that we have preached for so long like putting your emotions aside, like working for the benefit of the show and the whole group not for individual gain. We are suposed to be the ones that help the people in charge, not question their decisions. We are supposed to set an example by working together and showing them that the bonds that bound us during our show actually lasted. We are supposed to be unselfish, practical, sensible, sacrificial, modest and we are supposed to have at least a semblence of humility.

But this year, I'm ashamed to say that we were none of those things. We created more problems than we solved and we actually put the show in jeopardy.

I want to defend myself here and say that I stood up for what I thought was right. But I will admit that I didn't do that to my fullest ability.

I feel used and abused and tired and exhausted. And worst than all of those feelings, I feel disappointed and embarrassed to be a part of the whole ordeal. For all the trouble it caused and for all instability that resulted.

I for one, do not think it was worth it. Not for one person, especially someone who did not show any hint of thinking about anyone else but herself and her happiness. I'm sorry. As selfish as that sounds, it's the way I feel. I think I deserve a bit of breathing space to be unhappy and uncaring now.

You've managed to ruin not one, not two but three nights for us already. A simple SMS saying you are sorry does not bring back the night. And even then, you've only had the guts to apologise for one night. Please learn to deal with your own shit. Cos I, for one, am tired of being involved in your issues. There's a limit. You crossed it on Saturday night. At least with me.

Bunch of ungrateful dogs.