Sunday, January 22, 2006

You weren't the only one who learnt things that you thought you knew before. I, too, learnt much in a short span of time, and by the end of the night, my mind was reeling. I couldn't think and I couldn't speak and every word that came out of my mouth and travelled all the way over to you were as painful to say as they were for you to hear.

In that one day, I learnt that the trust that I thought we had was no there. I used to think that I was the one who would mess up. I would be one to do something stupid to hurt you. To make you want to walk away and not look back.

I learnt that you are only human, and in many ways, it is more heartening than disappointing. I used to think that you were God. Nothing could stop you in your infinite calm, serenity, determination, moral upright-ness and steadfastness. Everything about you was beyond perfection. And not just to me. To everyone. To the point where I used to believe I didn't deserve you. Why would I? I'm a bad person who does bad things for no good reason. Why would I deserve someone like you. That seemed to be the common consensus anyway. You would die if you knew how many times I've heard the words "What did you do NOW, Jasmine?". Or how many looks I've gotten. Looks of displeasure and disgust. What a vile soul. Pah!

I learnt that friends don't always stay close. Opinions form over time and words are exchanged, between them or between others, and feelings are hurt. It just happens. Only some people strike gold with the whole "best friends for life" game. Some very very lucky people. As time goes by, you get closer to certain people and you lose touch with others. It's inevitable. But whatever the case may be, it does not give anyone the right to bitch and moan about a former close friend. The fact that you don't travel in the same circles anymore should tell you that you don't know as much about them as you used to, and people change.

Talking about not having a clue, I'm so tired of people making judgements on my relationship. Just because you know one of us, or both of us individually even, does not mean that you know anything about how our relationship works. You're not in it, so you don't have a right to comment.

I'm tired... I wanna sleep...

I'll continue ranting another day...


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