Sunday, June 25, 2006

Aarthi had her tired post. Now it's time for mine.

I'm tired of being trapped in my own house. Some may say that I have a lot of freedom. Maybe so. In comparison to quite a few people, maybe I do have quite the life. But i would like it to be a bit more free. Even though I would not go out that much, I would like to have to option to do so. I would like to be able to just decide things and not have to plan them days beforehand and work my way towards following through with plans. It's very tiresome for me.

I'm tired of having to justify my actions. I feel like I'm not doing anything wrong. However, I doubt that you see it that way. Is it just me, or do I not owe you anything? Do you think I am giving other people special treatment? If you do think that way, then maybe you are right. These are special people to me, people who have been in my life for a long ass time. They come first, and for a long time to come it's going to remain that way. It's the way I like my life and it's the way I have lived it for quite some time. It may not suit your ideo of what a happy life is, but despite all my issues (and I know I have many) I lead a very contented life. And if you cannot deal with that then that's just too damn bad for you.

I'm tired of having to think and worry so much about the way things are going and whether I have to watch myself and the way I act and what I say if I have already established the way I feel about certain things. If I have decided that I want something a certain way and I have made that clear, then that's the way it will stay, unless I say otherwise. Look at me taking control of my life. Deal with it. Not happy, fuck off.

I'm tired of wondering whether you meant what you said. If you meant it, clarify it. Because what you said was big. One of the biggest things that I have heard in 3 years. Only you would understand how big it was and it kills me that it might have just been something said in passing. You of all people should know that those words are not meant to be toyed around with. Even if nothing materialises, it would be nice to know where we stand as of now.

I'm tired, physically. I'm going to sleep, hopefully dreamlessly and peacefully.

Today was a good day though, and I would appreciate it if nobody do anything to spoil it. Anan's party was fun. Durga is love. Vish, 14 years and counting darling, and a long time more to come. 03/04 Exco... Goyang goyang... (I cannot believe we did that.). Vin, my midnight Toa Payoh mike, next time we try not to smellify too much k? Grin.

Oh, and Perfect 10 had real good music on this evening. :-)


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