i had a question all prepared for him. but i chickened out because i knew an argument would ensue.

would it have made things better? how could it? aren't they already good now? are they or am i kidding myself? do i really want more? what exactly is more of nothing? is this nothing? will it ever be something? if i was offered something, do i now have the courage to take it? if i was never to be offered something, and i was left with the prospect of always having nothing, would i still continue with the nothing like i pretty much am at this moment?

(this is an unfinished post. i would have liked to type out the numerous other questions floating about my head. but i am incapable of sitting up for much longer due to a bad back that's been greatly paining me since friday. i've mastered the art of grinding my teeth and hiding the pain and pretending nothing's wrong. no one's noticed. well done, jasmine.)