Tuesday, January 09, 2007

A few conversations I've had over the past few days have got me thinking. I suppose conversations, the good ones at least, are meant to make you do that. To think about what was said, and see if it applies to you.

Enough of that. Thing is... I've been thinking anyway.

What does it take for someone to fall in love?

I mean, the obvious answer is that it is different for everyone. It depends on what you like and what you don't and that, in turn, depends on a long line of things(upbringing, peers, childhood trauma, whatever) that would have led up to that very moment that you fall in love. When all things are where they are supposed to be, you fall in love.

Ok, no. That makes it sound too easy. And also, I think that it makes it sound like the minute you fall in love, it's set. Cos everything is in it's place, right? I mean, logically, it makes sense.

But that's the thing. It doesn't make sense and there is usually very little or no logic involved.

Most of the time, at that very moment that one "falls in love" one is just noticing the aspects of the other person that fit a small percentage of the aspects that matter. We spend our lives (or at least, MANY of us do) picking out the things that we like about people (parents, friends, ex-lovers,characters on TV or in books) and subconsciously hoping that our future life partner would have those qualities. By the time we meet someone, we have a list of characteristics in our head that we hope that they would fulfill.

Up til that point, we have it good. We have a plan.

In most cases, when the time comes, we pick up that lovely plan, all nicely drawn out (Sometimes even coloured in magic markers! You know the sort... When you can change the colour with the white marker? Admit it. You thought they were cool! I did!) and fling it out the window. Why? Because we convince ourselves (And sometimes, the other person convinces us.) that having some, and not All, of your dream person's characteristics should be enough to grant that person a chance at your heart. On the other hand, if you don't believe in that, then just because someone doesn't meet some of your "requirements" you chuck them?

The point of this whole thing is that I don't know if that theory makes sense anymore. Does it? Could you live with that? Should you have to?

Another thing. Which do you follow? Your heart or your head? (Yes, the quintessential "Let's drown in the sorrows of love." question. But seriously... Which one? Do either really make sense? Does choosing to follow one ever make anyone truly happy? So what do you do?

What are the chances that your picture perfect dream partner is out there? And if he or she is, then what are the chances that you'd meet him or her? Is anyone really that lucky? Or is it just that all those happy couples out there are just SETTLING?

I know all of this sounds incredibly strange and most of you probably don't give two hoots about any of this. But it bothers me.

And the fact that it bothers me amuses me.

Oh, the vicious cycle.


Anonymous C said...

Interesting to read but you are getting it all wrong. In my opinion the other person is not there to fix you or your life. He or she is not there to change everything around and make the world into a nice place. He or she is just there. To keep you company, to make you laugh, to be a shoulder to cry on, to remind you when you could do better, to tell you off when you are wrong, to help you out when you are in trouble... (And then you turn it all around and do the same for him/her) He or she doesn't have to be perfect for you. He or she just has to be someone that really sees you for who you are and really like spending time with you. Going for that is not settling - it is loving. Loving someone for their strengths and weaknesses and realising one day that this is a person that I have come to depend on and if this person would choose to leave it would really hurt and I would really miss him or her. And then you know you love them. And thats enough. Because no one will ever make your life a soft, shiny place in the long run. If someone do it is just an illusion and it will fade. But someone might be able to hold your hand through the roughest parts. And that is, in my opinion, the little thing called love :)

6:56 PM  

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