Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Im no longer a JC student. It's official now. I was clinging on to the idea because I still had prom to look forward to. But now that's over too. It feels kinda empty and it's really not nice.

All that hype about the freedom of not having exams or school or anything for that matter. It's quite a big let down huh? How come nobody told me? Or am I the only one feeling like this? That's not right.

My boys are leaving soon. I don't want them to go because I know that when they do I'll feel even more lifeless and hopeless.

This sucks.

This just isn't right. I'm supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to feel liberated and free and excited about all my prospects.

The things that made me cling on to life for just a little bit more have ended and now I'm left with nothing. I always thought that if I just held on to that little scrap of hope there'd be something waiting. I thought that if I did the right thing and put aside my issues and concentrated on my studies and did something that would help me in the future everything would just fall into place because the forces of good karma would just decide to grant me happiness. Isn't that what everyone says? Or at least thinks.

Bloody anti-climax.

I thought that once everything was over it'd get a whole bunch easier. I don't think I was quite ready for this.


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